Ideas for success

Puns and other humour/humor

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by

Brad Stanton
in

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
The glasses maker who fell into his lens grinding machine made a spectacle of himself
A backwards poet writes inverse
A will is a dead giveaway
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. …Especially if the people you are playing with, are really bad guessers.
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the bulb has to really want to change.
How do you make a group of lawyers smile for a photo? Just say Fees
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? The lawyer has a briefcase.
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards! Sit down and I’ll deal with you later.
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a bridge! What’s come over you?
Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Pull yourself together!
Why did Santa’s little helper feel depressed? He had low elf esteem
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin
What was the witches’ favorite subject in school? Spelling
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? He didn’t have the guts
Why is the book Women Who Love Too Much a disappointment for many men?No phone numbers
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it. The thief was spending less than his wife did
Did you hear about the dyslexic lawyer? He studied all year for the bra exam
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny
What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet? The captain’s log
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic? He stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog
A brand new communist solder fought bravely but was beaten up by another soldier. He may have been a green red who was black and blue but he wasn’t yellow.
Leave a reply and leave a pun if you can, pleeeease

Comments

18 responses to “Puns and other humour/humor”

  1. squirrel circus Avatar
    squirrel circus

    Love these! Will be sharing with the boys (and the man!) — they LOVE wordplay 🙂

    Reply
  2. Diego Fogerty Avatar
    Diego Fogerty

    I just want to say I am just newbie to blogging and site-building and definitely loved this web site. Probably I’m want to bookmark your site . You actually come with amazing stories. Bless you for revealing your website.

    Reply
  3. Brother James Avatar
    Brother James

    I was going to make a pun about the Queen, but then I realized the Queen is no subject.

    Reply
  4. Huey Neiger Avatar
    Huey Neiger

    I just want to mention I am just all new to blogging and site-building and definitely enjoyed your blog. Almost certainly I’m going to bookmark your blog . You definitely come with amazing article content. Thanks a lot for revealing your web site.

    Reply
  5. fgwadmin Avatar
    fgwadmin

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To show the oppossum it could be done!

    Reply
  6. fgwadmin Avatar
    fgwadmin

    What do you call peas in a blender? whirrled peas.

    Reply
  7. learningmypathtowardsgod Avatar
    learningmypathtowardsgod

    Thank you for your sense of humor and here is this 🙂
    Congratulations!! I nominated you for the “One Lovely Blog Award” put on by Very Novel. Nominate 15 other people for a blog too.

    Reply
    1. Brad Stanton Avatar
      Brad Stanton

      Thanks so much, i love your blog

      Reply
  8. shermangerherd Avatar
    shermangerherd

    Excellent.

    Reply
  9. Kerry's Organized Chaos Avatar
    Kerry’s Organized Chaos

    Why don’t animals go to school? Because they are all cheetahs

    Reply
  10. shovonc Avatar
    shovonc

    I can quote Chico in court. “Sanity Clause? Your honour, you know there ain’ta no Sanity Clause!”

    Reply

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